And somehow I have a hard time believing its a good idea (except for the waggly bits). But lets take a look at what I mean:
So lets start with Micosoft's, "Power that grows with you," Where "the Soft" tells us how we'll play against opponents that play just like our friends, when our friends aren't around... Yeah, okay. I'm sorry if my cynicism is showing, but this is something I'll have to see to believe. I just have a tough time believing, for how nice this sounds, that this will be something that happens a lot in gaming. It just sounds like another thing (out of many we'll see here, I'm sure) that'll be lost in the claims that the developers just didn't have the time or budget to include the feature.
It also just feels creepy that theres going to be a ghost version of me that continues to play when I don't. If anyones going to be a ghost, it'll be me, damn it!
Further down the graphic we find a blurb about how the cloud will be able to help developers to make
"larger games, superior multiplayer, and new challenges".
Ugh.. I'm currently, over the past week, in the midst of trying to draft a post I can't quite get the way I want, about how/why/how to fix the fact that players don't finish games the way they are; Do we really think that making games longer, post-release, through the cloud is really a positive wave on the high seas of the future?
Listen, I'm not saying that functionality isn't amazing, and it couldn't work out well, I'm just saying that I had to be thanked directly for the act of actually making it a point to play Tomb Raider to completion. And that game wasn't that long. And while amazing, I don't know if it would have been helped any by slipping in an extra content mickey.
Actually, it sounds like a greater ploy to release games unfinished, sooner, so we can all get beta versions that can be silently updated and have it called a "feature," like DLC was... But there I go blowing my cynicism again.
To the side of that it says we'll never have to stop playing, because all our updates will happen in the background, while we play. Well about fucking time.
I'm sorry, but background downloads were a thing back when the 360 came out. You can even have games download silently (sometimes) behind playing a game for as long as I can remember on the system, so why was it again that we needed to take any time, granted mostly short amounts of it, to patch a game or the firmware, when we should have been playing some games? I was an update beta tester a few years over, and I would have died to see this feature silently slipped into the deck. Instead, all I got was random fan rev-up that makes it sound like my 360's about to vertical take off for a quick trip out to save the troops. But, oh well, I was told thats "working as intended."
Yeah, right.
In the final bits we're told about the suspicious 300,000 server power that we've been told about since the system was announced.
Now, that sounds amazing, but a lot of folks still don't believe it's true, choosing to take it as smoke an mirrors. These people (who I choose to believe) think that these aren't all physical servers, but mostly physical servers with a bunch of sneaky virtual ones. Otherwise known as: Technology I won't even begin to pretend like I understand.
All I (think I) know is that its like programs pretending to be servers, instead of the actual technology being there, being all server-y. And I'm probably far off about that much.
Either way, it sounds like a lie till we get a tour of the facilities and take the abacus to it. I'm going to count every one of those servers.
Oh, and we get some blurbs from people making games, but sure they'll say nice things: You don't piss in someone else's bed when you have to sleep there for 5 to 7 years.
The Boards Verdict?: Sorry Bob, these claims are nice and all, but we're going to need to see some proof before I throw my hat into the ring. See you at the Christmas party. Hope your wife finds her way to the copy room again.
So this next one doesn't feel as stuffed with info as the first one does, but it does make some nifty promises.
Buy your games on disc, or take your chances with how digital goes. Considering backwards compatibility isn't a thing Microsoft thinks anyone cares about, claiming only 5% (or something) of players would even bother with it, going all digital maybe just as good as going physical this coming gen. I mean, in the next one you're library will probably be trash too.
Good luck trying to get competitive game prices and sales, digitally, from Microsoft, though.
" Trade, Rent, Loan, or Sell, any game disc."
I'm laughing. You can't see it, but it's hurting me. I may need an ambulance.
This is direct reaction after the backlash to their DRM policies, that they (almost) promptly changed. For how tired I am about all the moaning about Microsoft and it's machine, this one bit still finds a way to make me cackle like a witch in heat.
Its a good thing its almost Halloween, the neighbors will probably think I'm simply practicing for a haunted house or something.
"Play your games online or offline..."
Still dying... This has got to stop soon. Air. So precious.
Okay, well, right.. The next bit says you can work around your schedule, because you can "suspend and resume gameplay instantly."
Now, I'm going to get on my porch, sit in my them-there rocking chair, and wave my shotgun (which is really just a cane..But in my mind, this is Korea) at the neighbor kids 2 blocks down, and say: What's this about pausing?
Really, I seem to remember having this functionality in 1986.. I hear it happened even earlier, but I'm too young to remember that... I.. I mean WHAT'D YOU SAY, SONNY?! HOW DO I WORK THIS CLICKER?!
The "Your Stuff" and "Your Family" parts that follow are things that just should have happened sometime during the life of the 360. This, again, feels like the industry (because this isn't just Microsoft's folly) trying to catch up to everyday reason. I'd start laughing about this, like before, but it sours my stomach for different, more vile, reasons.
The Boards Verdict: What is this Bob, open mic night at the Apollo?
Ah, and this one, I think the last one (unless I've missed being pandered to more), about their wonderful new controller.
Now, disclosure being a thing I like doing: I actually think this controller is going to be great. It just looks nice.
That said, more disclosure: I have an ongoing hatred for the lack of quality assurance that Microsoft (or rather their manufacturers.. Does The Soft get to shirk the blame because of another Chinese, Foxconn, suicide?) has with their controllers. My first 2 360 controllers: Defective. Got replacements directly from Microsoft support, and they're fine except for the fact that excessive use over the last few years has now rendered them poorly in need of replacement(remember when controllers would last 2000 years?). The replacements for the replacements I bought: DEFECTIVE.
Frankly, this image is too small to make out much more then the blurbs at the bottom, which are ironically cut off. Went to the original image, on Micosoft's Facebook page and its still just as small. So... Someone fails there. It might be me. Oh well.
The Boards Virdict: You may just have something here Bob. Just.. Learn how to photoshop better, okay?
So what have we learned here. Well, the crippling power of laughter is one thing. But other then that, I'm not seeing anything all that new, or all that exciting, about any of this. Its just information we were force fed, some of which is only new because its recently been changed to be more digestive, and nothing else. The infographics don't really do any more then organize it in a "fun"way, but if this is really all that fun to anyone, you're all going to need to start playing with yourself some more.. Or get out more.. Yeah.. Get out..
Actually, yeah, just get out of my boardroom, Bob!
*All infographics are property of Microsoft. Hopefully a sense of humor is something they happen to own, as well.
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